Easter

Somewhere between “tiny theater” and “please go home,” you decided your hand needs a carnivore. Now every conversation gets interrupted by a scaly narrator with snack opinions, and the dog won’t come back into the room. People are sidestepping appetizers to avoid eye contact with your thumb. If that thing asks for a hug again, I’m switching seats.

Reassurance for Your Weird Purchase

• If the dinosaur introduces you, it's networking.
• You didn’t buy a toy, you invested in crowd control at potlucks.
• The kid at the party needed to learn about boundaries anyway.
• If someone flinches, that’s proof of realism.
• The puppet is the extrovert so you don’t have to be.